Everyone has a personality trait that makes them avoid someone. For me, that trait is passive aggressiveness. At first glance, it can be easy to miss because it is so subtle. It often looks like cooperation and agreement. But over time, you see past the stealth because actions and words don’t match.
I experienced this while working on a project with a friend. She was very enthusiastic at the start. She would ask what tasks needed to be done, appreciate the checklists I made, and appear interested. But the follow-through was always incomplete. If I asked for research formatted into a document, she would do the research but leave it in the wrong format, acknowledging the mistake but never fixing it. The checklists were left five minutes short of finished, and somehow the final steps always landed back on me.
After months of this imbalance, I finally said it was frustrating to carry 90% of the workload when tasks weren’t being finished. That’s when she finally admitted she had lost interest months ago. Later, she revealed she didn’t even like the project. Yet, for three whole months, she kept showing up, doing the bare minimum, and letting me believe she was still part of the project.
To me, that’s not just avoidance—it feels like dishonesty. Passive aggressiveness disguised as politeness avoids necessary conversations and creates more strain for others. A simple, honest admission early on like, “I’ve realized this project isn’t for me,” would have saved time, energy, and frustration.
That’s why passive aggressiveness is my red flag. Why waste everyone’s time on a charade when a quick discussion would do? It would also save the friendship because now I question the honesty of everything she says.
Vanya Wryter Consulting Services 