The Red Flag of Passive Aggressiveness

Posted byVanya Wryter ConsultingPosted inLifestyle, StoriesTags:, , , , ,

Everyone has a personality trait that makes them avoid someone. For me, that trait is passive aggressiveness. At first glance, it can be easy to miss because it is so subtle. It often looks like cooperation and agreement. But over time, you see past the stealth because actions and words don’t match.

I experienced this while working on a project with a friend. She was very enthusiastic at the start. She would ask what tasks needed to be done, appreciate the checklists I made, and appear interested. But the follow-through was always incomplete. If I asked for research formatted into a document, she would do the research but leave it in the wrong format, acknowledging the mistake but never fixing it. The checklists were left five minutes short of finished, and somehow the final steps always landed back on me.

After months of this imbalance, I finally said it was frustrating to carry 90% of the workload when tasks weren’t being finished. That’s when she finally admitted she had lost interest months ago. Later, she revealed she didn’t even like the project. Yet, for three whole months, she kept showing up, doing the bare minimum, and letting me believe she was still part of the project.

To me, that’s not just avoidance—it feels like dishonesty. Passive aggressiveness disguised as politeness avoids necessary conversations and creates more strain for others. A simple, honest admission early on like, “I’ve realized this project isn’t for me,” would have saved time, energy, and frustration.

That’s why passive aggressiveness is my red flag. Why waste everyone’s time on a charade when a quick discussion would do? It would also save the friendship because now I question the honesty of everything she says.

Daily writing prompt
What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?
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21 thoughts on “The Red Flag of Passive Aggressiveness”

  3. I try to avoid passive aggressive people too, I am someone who would much rather have a conversation about what’s bothering me or what I’ve done that has hurt someone else. With passive aggressive people, you can never communicate well.

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    1. You and I are very similar! If a friend is upset with me, I would rather talk it through than have them hang out with me like nothing’s wrong when in fact, they’re angry about something. Similarly, if a friend has upset me about something, I let them know. Gives them a chance to clarify any misunderstandings.

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      1. Absolutely and I think that’s the best way to go about it. We’re human and sometimes something a friend does can upset us and sometimes we do something that may have upset a friend. However, talking it out will help clear things up in a more rational way. If we don’t talk about it, those feelings will just linger.

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      3. It’s definitely more dramatic in the long run and also a sign of emotional immaturity. As an emotionally mature adult you should be able to communicate with others even when the conversation is difficult or uncomfortable.

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  4. I actually believe most have been taught passive aggressive through schooling. Schools have focused on positivity so much that any negative feeling must be avoided. This creates passive aggressive and it’s extremely frustrating for those who aren’t.

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      3. Was a beautiful Summer in Scotland Vanya, highs of 27-28C here in lovely Alford. Now lovely Autumn sunshine, high teens C. Lovely name as I said, reminds me of a Dostoevsky character. Best wishes, Craig in Alford

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