When we are older, we are wiser. We also spend a lot of time rethinking past life decisions and choices. If only we had a time machine to fix whatever needs fixing!
One such moment from the past that stands out is a moment at work. I wished I had taken action to set boundaries. Instead, I just let things happen and felt defeated afterward.
I’d just been hired at a new company. A week later, the company had a meeting and dinner. After the event, people started to leave, and the boss insisted on a tight-squeeze bear hug. To me, hugging is a personal preference, especially when meeting the boss for the first time, and (very much) especially when the boss is male and I’m not too fond of him. When I tried to distance-hug the boss (the barely touching hug), he accused me of having issues and lectured me in front of everyone about my lack of participation. I was too concerned about being fired to insist on my boundaries.
What would I do differently now? It’s easy in hindsight to reflect on what I would have done. I have the luxury of freezing the past moment and fixing it up. I would have said that I hug family, close friends, and coworkers I’ve established a relationship with. He did not have that relationship with me.
Communication is key. Setting boundaries is key. But both are not easy to do. Perhaps the best advice is to ask yourself if you would regret your decision in the future. If you insist on your boundaries, you will feel better about it in the long run.
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Vanya Wryter Consulting Services 
Setting boundaries is very important but I find it difficult to do so as a people-pleaser that I am. So I am starting with working on my mentality and so far soo good. Thanks for sharing😊
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Setting boundaries can indeed be challenging! Thanks for reading.
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lots of love and respect to your writing and best wishes from
mrprofessorsdotcom.wordpress.com
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From the details of your story, it does not appear you were given much time to set boundaries. He crossed the line with the hugging and the lecturing. Those type of situations can shock and sting us, but they do give us preparation for the next time.
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Yes, it caught me off guard. I had only been working there five days. But I am better prepared if this happens in the future!
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Boundaries are so important, I’m really learning that recently. Especially with work, you need sure you have a balance between work and life.
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Yes, for sure, that is an important boundary to draw!
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Thanks for sharing, Vanya.
*setting boundaries
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Thanks for reading!
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My pleasure. ⭐
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So true, Vanya.
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Okay. That was then and now … what? He was a creep. Where do we go from here? Or you?
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If this happened again, I would be more vocal. I left the company eventually. Many people left because of their track record of disrespecting boundaries. One staff member said the work schedule was giving her health issues but they wanted her to continue working seven days a week.
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Thanks for sharing this idea Anita
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Thanks, Anita!
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It’s tough when we look back and wish we had handled situations differently. Setting boundaries can be tricky, especially in a new job. From what I read your experience shows how important it is to communicate your preferences and stand up for yourself, even when it feels uncomfortable. Learning from these moments helps us grow and handle similar situations better in the future. Thank you dearly for sharing this! -ArConsultings.org
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Yes, it’s important to learn from those moments, but it isn’t easy, especially at a new job!
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Interesting, Vanya. I had a similar situation on my first job. I was a receptionist and my first line supervisor, would plaster his crotch up against the back of my head when I was sitting in my chair. When I told him to please stop, he said he was not doing anything. A friend of his in another department (another old man) did the same thing at least once, with the same excuse of not doing anything. They never carried it any further or tried to touch me anywhere else, but it made me uncomfortable. Today that would probably be enough of a reason but back then, probably anything short of touching of privates would probably have been laughed off. I also was stuck in too many meetings full of cigarette smoke because smoking was more widely accepted. I doubt that anyone would have even pretended to oblige a request to please quit smoking or allow a little ventilation in the room.
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I think times have changed a bit since then, especially with the smoking culture. But certainly we still have instances like this where the one party is not aware or doesn’t care about the discomfort of the other person. (Or makes excuses that what they’re doing is ok.) Thanks for sharing!
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