How to Listen Better: Effective Communication

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Effective communication is an important skill at the workplace. Our ability to advance in our careers, build a business, or develop relationships depends on how we articulate words.

Here are some amazing insights into our listening skills. Take a moment to think about what these insights mean to you and how they impact your life.

  • How much are you truly listening to the words that you hear? We hear about 20,000 to 30,000 words a day and listen at a rate of 125 to 250 words a minute. However, we think at a speed of 1,000 to 3,000 words a minute. That means we are filling in the gaps if we don’t hear all the information we expect the speaker to convey. What could that mean about our potential for misunderstandings or jumping to conclusions?
  • Do we remember everything that we hear? Most tests conclude that we only remember about 25% of what we hear. The majority of the time we are listening, we are distracted. Immediately after listening to someone speak, we remember 50% of what that person said, but we will remember only around 25% two days later.
  • What is active listening? Active listening involves more than just nodding while you listen to the other person speak. When we listen actively, we give the speaker our full attention and ask for clarification if needed or more details. Also, we restate what the other person said to show we were listening. 
  • What is a tip for being a great listener? Great listeners know how to follow up on conversations by recalling facts and starting a conversation with openers such as “How is X doing?” or “I remember that you said you were….” They are open-minded about what they will hear and will not have preconceived ideas about what the speaker is about to say.
  • How does positioning affect the conversation? Getting the right conversation environment changes the conversation dynamic. For example, a dialogue with one person behind a desk and the other person standing up will have a different tone than two people sitting next to each other. Similarly, one person speaking while the other is looking down periodically at their phone will also have a different dynamic than two people talking face to face with appropriate eye contact.
  • Importance of listening at work: People with effective listening skills build strong relationships at the workplace. They can build rapport with customers by developing relationships and showing an interest in their needs. Workers who are good listeners understand their work assignments and create trust with their team. Managers improve morale and productivity by listening to their employees and building trust.
  • How do you develop listening skills? Focus on being curious when you listen. Don’t just listen to respond. Use proper eye contact and body language and listen to learn something new.

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Self-Editing Resources for First-Time or New Writers

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Ask anyone who writes professionally or personally, and they’ll say that it’s hard – really hard – to find their own writing mistakes. When you are your own editor, it’s tough to remain objective and read your work with fresh eyes.

Difficult is not the same as impossible, however. You can self-edit if you know what to look for, and you develop a process. If you’re a first-time author or new to writing professionally, you may have many questions about how to edit, what to edit, and when (what stages in your writing) to edit.

We’ve got the answers you need with resources recommended by professional book editors.

Here are some fabulous self-editing resources to invest your time in. If you want a break from the written word, this list includes podcasts to check out as well.

Self-Editing: The Writing Process

Self-editing for Self-publishers: Incorporating: A Style Guide for Fiction by Richard Bradburn

Indie authors looking to self-publish will find this resource particularly useful. It describes a three-stage editing process similar to the traditionally published one, from structural to sentence level to proofreading.

Self-Editing for Fiction Writers, Second Edition by Renni Brown and Dave King

Two professional editors have written this book which teaches you editing techniques on exposition, point of view, and dialogue. They provide many examples taken from manuscripts that they have edited.

Understanding Show, Don’t Tell And Really Getting It by Janice Hardy  

This award-winning author uses examples to demonstrate the difference between showing, not telling, when writing a story. She helps authors understand the balance between backstory, description, and narrative. 

Revising Your Novel: First Draft to Finished Draft: A Step-by-step Guide to Revising Your Novel by Janice Hardy  

This book tackles the big-picture problems that can go wrong with a novel. It shows how to review character and point of view issues, plot structure problems, and setting problems. You will learn to write stronger prose and build better character arcs and compelling plots.

Cover to Cover What First-Time Authors Need to Know about Editing by Sandra Wendel

After writing your first book, read this book to learn what to do next, before you work with an editor and prepare the book for production and publication. This is an important resource if you know little to nothing about the publication process.

Troubleshooting Your Novel Essential Techniques for Identifying and Solving Manuscript Problems by Steven James  

This hands-on guide takes you through the steps that will increase your chances of selling your manuscript to a publisher or gathering an audience for your book. Topics covered include story progression, character development, narrative techniques, and troubleshooting common issues. 

Write Great Fiction – Plot & Structure by James Scott Bell 

If you struggle with creating a plot that engages your readers, this is a resource to add to your library. The book tackles common plot problems, developing story structure, and how to create strong beginnings, middles, and ends to your story.

Keys to Great Writing Revised and Expanded Mastering the Elements of Composition and Revision by Stephen Wilbers and Faith Sullivan 

The writing process can be daunting. This book provides helpful techniques for the entire writing process, from prewriting to proofreading. It also has exercises to strengthen your writing skills from the sentence to the paragraph level.

The Magic of Fiction Crafting Words Into Story: The Writer’s Guide to Writing & Editing by Beth Hill 

This handbook for the writing and editing process is a valuable resource on all aspects of writing and editing. It covers writing and self-editing your own stories, whether you are a first-time or experienced author. 

Self-Editing at a Sentence Level

The Best Punctuation Book, Period by June Casagrande 

Whether you write for an online, print, academic, or business audience, this quick reference guide covers your questions about punctuation for all styles, including AP (Associated Press), MLA (Modern Language Association), APA (American Psychological Association), and Chicago Manual of Style.

Editing Fiction at Sentence Level by Louise Harnby 

This book teaches you how to self-edit your manuscript at the sentence level, from narrative to dialogue. Examples are also provided to demonstrate the lessons.

Eats, Shoots & Leaves The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation by Lynne Truss 

This resource covers grammar and punctuation insights using humor and history. It is clear from this book that a simple comma or apostrophe can completely alter the meaning of a sentence – sometimes in a hilarious way.  

Artful Sentences Syntax as Style by Virginia Tufte  

This book breaks down standard sentence patterns and forms to show how they convey meaning. New writers and those who love language will find this book fascinating.

The Elements of Style by William Strunk and Elwyn Brooks White 

Among writing manuals, this book is considered a classic. It even has its own Wikipedia entry! This guide covers good writing and composition principles, lists commonly misused words and expressions, and lists often misspelled words.

Self-Editing Resources: Podcasts

The Midnight Quill Podcast hosted by writers T. C. Emerys, M. J. Glenn and Maisy Osbon

Listen to discussions about writing techniques, worldbuilding and self-publishing, with new episodes every week.

The Editing Podcast hosted by Louise Harnby and Denise Cowle

Explore practical tips and insights for editors and proofreaders. This podcast is available in 60 countries. 

Key Takeaways 

New writers published authors will find value in self-editing resources. These books cover important topics in the editing and writing process. 

Experienced writers will benefit from the review and the checklists, and new writers finishing their first manuscript will benefit from the insight and tips. 

For some of the latest advice on editing, writers and editors can stream podcasts from multiple sources, such as YouTube and apps.

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Your life or mine: What is the last thing you learned?

Sometimes, you see the past with 20/20 vision and wish you could repeat the day.

Daily writing prompt
What is the last thing you learned?
View all responses

She had to pick up her mom’s prescription medication on her way home and that errand took her past a beauty salon with the best assortment of skincare products. She had passed it many times, but today she walked in, attracted to the newest line of skincare displayed on the counter. Her favorite movie stars and singers endorsed those lovely creams that made skin radiant and flawless.

“How much?” she asked the woman behind the counter. 

“Three thousand for the entire set,” said the sales clerk. “Might be a bit pricey for someone as young as you.”

“No,” she lied, lifting her chin. “Of course I can afford it.” She had $3050 in her bank account.

“This is a special price for today only. It will go up tomorrow.”

“Can I try it?”

“Sure. We just have the hand cream as a tester. Not the others.” The sales clerk opened one of the jars. The fragrance of roses wafted into the air.

“Just like on TikTok,” she said, dabbed a sample, and smoothed it on the back of her hand. It felt like a cool, tingly massage. As she rubbed, a long scar near her knuckle vanished. Imagine how envious her friends would be if she was the prettiest one in the group. Imagine all the guys who would be asking her out. Imagine if people stopped calling her ugly. Imagine…. 

Her phone rang. It shattered her thoughts. “I’ll take the whole set,” she said to the sales clerk as she frantically dug for her phone in her purse. 

“Sweetie?” Her mom’s voice was weak over the phone.

“Mom? Are you ok? I’ll be home soon! I’ve got your med-”

“They’ve taken me to the hospital. It’s going to cost $3000. Could you come to help pay it?”

“No!” Not $3000! “I’ll call you back.” She turned toward the counter.

“Is your mom ok?” asked the sales clerk. She presented a shiny gold gift bag with the skincare set inside.

“No, she’s… not. Can’t I… can’t I come back for this? The price is really going to go up?”

The sales clerk nodded. “You need to choose between this skincare or your mother.”

She picked up her phone and pulled up her mom’s number again. She mumbled to herself, “I can get more money later. Take out a loan. Borrow cash from my cousins.” Then dumped her phone back into her purse. She took out her wallet and handed her credit card to the clerk. “I’m sorry. What did you just say?”

The clerk took the card. “I said I hope you enjoy your choice. You will be as beautiful on the outside as you are within.”

“What?” She felt the skincare sample on her hand tingle again. The sensation spread down her fingers and up her arm. “What’s happening?” Her purse slid off her shoulder as she tried to grab the gold bag. Her feet were rooted to the floor. Her legs were stiff. I can’t move! Can you hear me? I can’t move!

“Well,” said the sales clerk, admiring the woman’s face. “Now you’ll look this young forever. I’m going to put you in the store window so everyone can admire how beautiful you are. It’s what you wanted, after all.”

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Small Size, Immense Impact

If you think you’re too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito in the room. — Anita Roddick

Sometimes we might ask ourselves, “What good would that do? I’m a nobody.” However, it’s amazing what one small thing can do.

For example, yelling “loser!” to someone with low self-esteem. It’s one word that cuts very deep. Smiling at someone who’s had the worst day ever can lift them up high as the sky.

You never know how much impact something tiny can have.

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

Every experience, whether big or small, helps us grow. But the experiences that help people grow the most have a profound impact on our lives. These experiences are like a chapter in a book or a phase change like transforming from a caterpillar to a butterfly. Looking at myself and my friends, I would say three life experiences help us grow the most.

Daily writing prompt
What experiences in life helped you grow the most?
View all responses

Career

A job is a role you take on. In comparison, a career is a long-term commitment based on your experiences and education. You develop skills that define your life goals and lifestyle.

A career takes commitment, such as courses for a certification or a degree; or long-term,  on-the-job training. You learn skills that will shape and impact your life for years and even decades. A defines you: you tell people, “I’m a (occupation).”

You hang out with people with backgrounds, training, and education similar to yours. If you’re a teacher, you’ll meet others in education. If you’re a business owner, you’ll meet others who run businesses, or people selling products or services in the same industry. 

A career impacts your income and your lifestyle. As a lawyer, you may work long hours and own an expensive house. As an accounts manager for a small company, you may make a modest income, enough to get an apartment and take the vacations you like. 

For some who want to get into management with years of work experience and promotion, you’ll learn leadership skills and how to communicate and inspire others.

Marriage

Another experience that helps people grow is marriage. You’re working through everyday situations with your life partner. This person sees you every day and knows personal aspects of your life–what you eat, how you sleep, your income, your spending habits, your grooming habits, your routines. Unlike your family, who has observed many of the same things, you didn’t make the rules. Your parents did and you had to obey the rules to live with them.

With marriage, you and your spouse jointly decide where to live–which city, which home, how to spend your money, and where to go for vacation. You share and divide responsibilities. If one person in the relationship is not content, there is an imbalance, and you need to communicate to work things out for the relationship to be healthy again. 

This person impacts your mental and emotional health. You need to learn to communicate your needs and work out your struggles. You also need to work together. When you choose your spouse, you also choose their friends and family. You need to learn to compromise. Your communication skills are crucial. 


Parenthood

Another experience that helps people grow is parenthood. You’re the role model, setting an example for your child. Your priorities shift and you become your child’s protector because the child comes first. For example, you take sick days from work when your child is sick but you continue to work when you yourself are sick, instead of taking a day off.

You save and spend money on vacations with your child. You spend money on the child’s interests, such as hobbies, sports, and toys. It’s a shift in identity and priority.

You better appreciate what your parents went through when they became parents. You have a new awareness of what’s good and what’s bad–you’re suddenly aware that shows and movies you used to enjoy have bad language and inappropriate violence.

As a role model, you watch your language and your words. If you’re tired, you want to ensure that you don’t say something to your child that could cause long-term damage. Your child takes cues from you on how to speak and how to behave.

Key Takeaways

Working on your career, getting married, and having children are three experiences in life that help a person to grow. Not everyone gets married or has children, and they will still experience growth. But I think these three types of experiences definitely have a significant impact on a person’s life.

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